Plight of a re-entering citizen

I have no doubt that most re-entering citizens return with some amount of PTSD. We have everything in front of us to deal with after we have just spent months learning to live with nothing. While being incarcerated, you are not responsible for a 6thing unless you choose to be. Everything you read implies the BOP is preparing you to return to society, but like most other pieces of information about the prison, that’s just not true! The women I watched preparing to leave were desperate to gain knowledge about what to do and where to do it.

Unlike many who have gone away to do their time, I was fortunate enough to keep in regular contact with my critical family members. I was the queen of receiving mail. I got involved and ran nearly everything and anything that I could to help me pass the time and feel productive. I wanted (needed) to find my purpose for being put there. For some, they accept they broke some law and are paying those costs, financially and emotionally. It didn’t even occur to me how much this would all impact my family until I attended a half-day “Get out of jail” mandatory program. One of the ladies from the halfway house brought “it” up. “How are we planning to partner and share responsibilities in our daily lives? You have had to abandon your responsibilities and your family members for all these months. So what is the process for how to transition back?

All of my family took on more duties to cover various pieces of what had to be done while I was gone. That got me thinking about how I would work my way back into taking charge of what I considered my life again. Would they willingly give it back? It had never occurred to me; it would be something to consider? Did we need to consider changes to how things were before we went away when we come back? For me, it was easier than most. I had a stable home, a family, a way to earn a living, a life to go back to, and my time away had been short. Professionals I had worked with stood behind me and took care of me when I needed them most.

You are also now home, and for the first time, your family and close ones might be dealing with anger issues because you are currently out. But you’re not free, you are on paper and freedom still eludes you. They may not realize it themselves, but you are indeed trying to reestablish relationships that you once understood. Every woman I talk to struggles with how to fit back into her own life. Your kids have become more independent because they had to, and you, as their mom, are feeling left out for having missed some of those years.

Your husband may have been grumpy or moody before you went in, but you were in survival mode trying to cope with the idea of going to jail. Maybe you didn’t notice. He is now one of your lifelines, and it is much more challenging to deal with his moods while you try to start over, but he has things he has to deal with and work through as well. It is all quite complicated, and most of it is not being talked about.

It’s easy to see why you feel like you are the only one struggling to get your life back together. Where do we go to share these feelings and sort through any type of action plan to approach the way forward? If you don’t recognize that it’s a common problem and others are having the same difficulties, you are punishing yourself, even more, making all of these things harder to deal with. In our minds, we did our time, and now we are supposed to be starting over, but many of those we deal with, aren’t prepared to just let it go. What do you do to determine what your kids need while you are trying to put your life back together?

Going away and surviving this kind of experience in my mind can only be compared to something like going away to war. You are in survival mode. You are not in charge of your life for some time. You are more vulnerable. Many of you are clean and sober to see who they really are for the first time in a long time. You find and make a few friends who share the experience, fear, and loneliness. To your shock, most of those around you now expect you to put this part of your life behind you - they don’t want you to even bring it up or talk about your experience. But for many, it was a big part of their life that provided some clarity and change. We don’t want to forget the good or bad experiences. We want to share our perspective and insight, but our families want us to move on?

I need to hear from those of you reading this that have good and bad experiences to share so that I can share your stories, your problems, and your solutions. I could not have made it through the experience without the care and friendship, the respect I received from many of the women at my camp. It’s not something I ever expected to find at camp. But I did. I don’t want to move on and forget them. These women helped me survive one of the most challenging things I will ever do. I need to share, I need to improve this situation in any way I can. Will you help me by sharing this story and your experience so that we can help people understand more about this experience. Until we can help them know what we went through I don’t think we can get anyone’s help to improve these circumstances? I don’t think we can figure out what we can do to help ourselves, and eventually, others know how to recover from this traumatic experience. Please like, share, and respond to this item.